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  • Writer's pictureJan Porter ~ author

Sacred Space, body mind soul after sexual abuse:

One woman is a tiny divine spark in a timeless sisterhood tapestry collective; all of us are Wild Women.”

Imagine finding out that your DNA tests indicate that you are a descendant from a long line of powerful wise loving ancient sisterhoods, healers, mystics, saints, peaceful warriors and visionaries. You are of this lineage and have this amazing resource within your cellular memory. I have walked many, many miles in my own journey and now with the fortitude of post menopause (chuckle as you may), brings a very different objective sense of discerning grace, faith, passion and confidence. I have sincerely grown to accept and appreciate what I once considered as my flaws, quirks, cyclical issues and mistakes. So, rather than talking with you and share expounding on heartaches that I have unwittingly received and dished out, I would rather hope that my loved ones and readers consider this contribution of words coming from a from heart and soul, thus ripple our individual healing journeys into collective wholeness. What I do know for certain is that healing of self and loving of self is the sacred key to happiness which ripples outward positively affecting life and those around us; through our past and ancestral lineage, now and for future generations. The learning continues and while it is an annoying fact, those most challenging of relations and situations are those experiences that offer the most profound teachings. Those intimately personal hurts such as having been molested and date raped lost the pain punch when I understood that the issue is pervasively historical and global; I am merely 1 in 4 and 1 of the many every 17 minutes. This means that I was never alone, we are not alone, nor have we ever been. Life is strangely circular, in that we have many opportunities to learn and grow from our own life patterns, concepts and experiences. I have found that it began with me; in that ditching cultural and religious beliefs, I began to honour and audaciously self-love, which is the best anecdote to carrying old garbage which serves no good to self or others. We are all unsung heroes and heroines just for giving this earthly existence a go, most often blind to the bigger picture. That aged menopausal re-wiring throws a passionate curve ball into tolerance; we post menopausal crones lose tolerance for insincerity, longing for harmony, passionate love, laughter and fulfillment. While I am not so crazy about those pesky crone hairs, achy bones or sagging skin and yet, vantage points change constantly for the better. I recall as a child church religious icon gazing and wondering why I was exempt from their acceptance and those haloed rapturous experiences. I did not realize it until adulthood that I had actually been on a mission of sorts; the first chapter of life lived in naive pursuit of running away from assuming some odd notion of blame, shame and sin as a result of childhood sexual molestation and numerous date rapes. One thing is for certain, we cannot run far enough away from what dwells within. Sooner or later we all must face our shadow haunting boogies and monster in the closet ghosts that leak drama into our days. Old stories of childhood, adolescent and young adulthood hurts, traumas, trials and tribulations ought not to be reiterated from pain; my stories are too common. How can I go back and speak of anguish when I strive to disallow those hurts it to be the summation of whom I have become and who I am becoming? Oh, I have been back a thousand times, searching for insights and because life is a journey I ask, I am done with it yet? All of life is circular or rather, life lessons come around again and again, yet each time those old bugaboos re-surface, it is in the sharing with women that I see that I have grown. Now those old difficulties serve to carry insight into human nature, tolerance and compassion. It does however, blow my mind that statistics have remained a constant estimated one in four are survivors of sexual trauma. These numbers are staggering! This has been a continuous massive ripple effect that affects all of us, including the pain and harm within the psyche of offenders. From a broader perspective, sexual assault has been a shadow aspect of civilization since time recorded, often used as a war tactic to kick out a culture’s stability at its pillars; women, children and the vulnerable. This is a social and global issue. So if you feel alone and are a survivor, take small comfort in knowing that you are in company with millions and there are many more who do care. Why on earth is sexual assault, still a social issue in our global society? How on earth have we become so disconnected and isolated from believing in a loving higher power, our own innate goodness and each other? It boggles my mind. I wish for and envision that I may live long enough to see the issue as ancient history in this life time and that any residue harmful effects are not carried through into my children’s generations yet to be. I wish for a rekindling sense of sisterhoods, brotherhoods and community. Some thirty years ago a wise spiritual man halted my perfectly valid drama rant with: ‘there is much freedom found in simply taking a moment to notice that ninety eight percent of what you felt about someone imposing harm upon you does not belong to you. Stop, close your eyes for a moment and recall a hurtful exchange and ask yourself, how much of this is really mine? Understanding that we have much to teach our children of self worth and navigating life intuitively. The Buddhist adage holds true; that if we taught children how to meditate, and harvest innate intuition, the world would transform in one generation. For sensitive people, we unconsciously pick up and absorb the erroneous thoughts and feelings from offenders that mix and mingle with those of family, friends, community or the cultural religious beliefs around us. Without doubt, crisis brings an opportunity for a different kind of wholeness and healing; a process of coming to know who you really are, the authentic and natural you. You are here at this crossroad in life, because your soul is calling you to grow, to love yourself, to following the path of doing what you love to do; activities that give you joy and inspiration. You are stronger than you know and give yourself credit for. Your happiness is sacred. Your body, mind, feelings and contributions to the world are your own sacred space. Remember above all else, that you have a natural inner guidance system within you that is set for a fulfilled life and happiness. In fact, that inner compass is finely tuned and aligned with your soul’s path and higher good. It always has been within your heart and soul. Count on it, and when you find yourself off kilter and out of sorts, eat a good meal, rest and aim to make a shift in activities and thoughts by seeking this inner direction. Like tuning into a radio station, as you quiet and calm down, during relaxing enjoyable activities and when caring for others, you will feel a deep letting go and contended sigh. It takes practice staying in a good attitude space and balanced. Your own unique life path and journey to wholeness is primarily a solo process and it is one that we all must take. You are not the first to travel those dark times and challenges and not the last. Societal judgments and out dated religious morals concerning sexual modes of conduct and behaviours are often deeply ingrained. Our core psyche is deeply personal and often reacts to abuse as a profound invasion of personal sacred space within our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual bodies. Sometimes the most beautiful things grow in the most inhospitable of environments. While we cannot yet single handily change people and the world around us to completely ensure our ideal life for all, we can consciously choose to live to our own highest potential and make self care and self love our priority; which in turn, positively affects our lives and others in unimaginable ways. Be good to yourself and grow at your own pace. Remember always that; love is the way out; love of self and love your life as it is. Stay focussed on your own journey by paying attention to what feels good and what does not. Meditate, pray, do activities that you love to do, learn, share and growth into happy sacred state of being is assured. Always allow your childlike wonder, quirky authentic self to shine with gratitude, love and laughter. This is your own soul's most valuable tool kit for life's most difficult challenges. You are a divine spark in a timeless sisterhood and brotherhood tapestry collective; you make a positive difference in the world, just as you are. And I personally wish you loving comfort, laughter, warmth of good friendships and to always see the beauty in the world. I wish you faith, hope, grace, acceptance, confidence, insight and courage. Blessings on your journey! By: Jan Porter, Author of: “Sacred Space, body mind and soul after sexual abuse” and “Life After Abuse, a practical healing guide for survivors”. Click on the link to buy now via Amazon. Also available in paperback and large print wherever books are sold.


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